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December 2, 2006

it must have been love

well friends - it's taken years, but i've finally come to the conclusion that it's time to say goodbye to the fabled stomach thing - which is not an easy thing to do. for most of my life it has been my romantic compass - a trusted friend pointing me in each and every hopeless direction i have ever embarked upon and yet...

wait, i should probably back up and give an explanation for any of our viewers at home who may not know what the stomach thing is. as defined by me the stomach thing is that gooey sensation that occurs in the pit of one's stomach whene'er they happen upon true love - or lust as the case may be. of course the standard stomach thing should not be confused with the much more meaningful, ableit infrequent atomic stomach thing whereby the stomach actually leaves its orbit - leaping well into the chest cavity simultaneously afflicting the heart with the same aforementioned gooey sensation. and i know to many of you this may sound like a simple case of acid reflux disease cured by a healthy dose of tums but i assure you it is not...but really, since i'm giving it up there is no point in arguing about it.

when i look back upon my life (it's always with a sense of shame) and i survey the myriad women in whose presence i have experienced the stomach thing - atomic and otherwise - not a single one remains...single. they have all gone on to settle for - i want to say lesser lovers here but i probably shouldn't since it might seem passive aggressive even though we all know it's totally true - but to be congenial i will simply state that they have found true love with other people. and that's okay - the strains of chicago's look away may spring up in my head whene'er we happen to meet but hey, i've had worse songs stuck in my head. anyway, i've sort of gotten off track here a bit. the point i was trying to make is that there seems to be, in my case, a staggering amount of evidence that the stomach thing is a false ally - rather than a starter's pistol igniting the passions of the true love - it is instead a signal fire made with too wet wood ensuring that our young hero will be stranded on that lonely island just a bit longer.

wow - it really sounds like i'm giving up hope here doesn't it? well i assure you this is not the case. i am simply going to change course here and officially break up with the stomach thing. from now on the name of the game is going to be compatability. things like physical attraction and chemistry no longer matter. if i can meet someone who shares a similar interest in music, film, clothing et al and generally hates all of the things that i hate...that's the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. no more of this she's just not my type - or i'm simply not attracted to her horse shit.

because when you say that about someone - or someone says these things about you doesn't it really boil down to whether or not you could see yourself having with sex with that particular person? yes. yes it does. and that seems to me a ridiculous thing to get hung up on. and yet we have all done it. (well not all of us have done it) but - you know. in the end does it really matter? i guess it does up to a point - but i'm willing to let all of that go for the sake of true compatability.

no more wallowing for not so young christopher - no more late nite phone confessions wishing that i could just meet...somebody. okay, i've never actually done that last thing. i've also never ever lowered my standards. but perhaps the time has come. in case i haven't made myself clear ladies - i am officially ready to settle. maybe even for you. form your lines accordingly.

Posted by young_christopher at 11:01 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 1, 2006

Foiled by Fashion

My most recent search for a particular item of clothing shouldn’t have been as arduous as it was, but once again certain trends abundant in the fashion industry have made things difficult. If only I loved leggings and mini skirts! But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I decided there weren’t enough plaid wool skirts in my life. Since the beginning of this fall I’ve kept an eye out for something that would look good with my tall brown boots, but virtually all the plaid skirts I found were mini, and there was an alarming amount of wool plaid shorts. This, I assumed, was due to frequenting the sort of hipster stores. However, when I wandered elsewhere, the wool plaid seemed to come only in the form of gauchos and - once again - the shorts. I have nothing against gauchos (aside from seeming to have replaced the knee-length skirt), but the current level of popularity that shorts for all seasons and occasions (can there be such thing as a “formal short”?) are enjoying is a mystery to me. Why are they everywhere?

I'm certainly not adverse to a cute and tasteful wool plaid miniskirt. I’m particularly fond of one at J.Crew that I would totally wear on a weekend with some coordinating wool socks and my boots, but I need things that will translate well into the office, which miniskirts…don’t. Why the lack of the longer skirt? Are knee-length wool plaid skirts too last season? If so, why? It seems like fairly standard winter apparel. Where are the right places to look? Am I...out of style?

Posted by heidi at 4:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack