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April 27, 2006
backfat for cubie: the return of backfat
so there i was on january 19th 2006 sitting in my office cube packing up the few remaining personal effects on my desk and tying up loose ends. and i was a bit annoyed because it was already 2 o'clock and i had planned on being gone from that place before noon, but i wanted to make certain that since i was the one leaving that everything was in its proper place before i left my cube behind for good. and the whole process, from the time i handed in my resignation letter to that very moment was surreal - even the last meal with my co-workers felt strange - i hardly even tasted my food. of course this is probably because we ate lunch at tgi fridays and their food doesn't really taste like anything...but i digress
i think part of the surreality of it all was that i really had no idea what i was going to do next - all i knew is that i was miserable and i wanted out. because every morning when i stepped off the elevator i would become sick to my stomach and office space just wasn't as funny anymore. i'd had the good fortune to do well in my time with the company and had even made a run at a few management positions but the truth is, when i started as a temp in november of 2002 i didn't really have plans on sticking around. it just sort of happened and each time the lease came due on my apartment i would think about leaving - but inevitably i would be offered a promotion with a nice increase in salary and i would ultimately cave in to the pressure of the almighty dollar but on that day in january at 2 o'clock in the afternoon i was 45 minutes away from my exit interview and a leap into the great unknown
and then it happened - i was on the telephone talking with a client and my boss runs up to my desk flailing her arms and hissing something at me, so i ended my call and walked over to her desk and she informed me that i was going to be offered a job for a position that i had interviewed for in early november - a position that i had all but given up on. and i thought to myself - there's no way this is happening, my mind is made up.
and it's true my mind was made up - i was already daydreaming about my triumphant return to sunny south florida and all that it would entail with the abundant sunshine and seabreeze with shirtless results. and then i saw the salary increase and the company car and the working from home dangling before me. and i knew i would be landlocked for a bit longer because i got that strange sick feeling you get when you realize you might be in love or maybe you really did just back into that persons car - and so i caved and accepted the position - and it was strange because people i hardly knew emerged from their cubes offering congratulations ecstatic that i was staying with the company because they couldn't afford to lose me(?)
all that to say, i was back in the office this morning for a meeting with my new boss and some of the office staff and i realized as i walked up and down the halls that i didn't have that sick feeling in my stomach anymore - it's true, i could have downed a meatball hoagie or a combo platter from taco viva in one sitting - i even smiled when i had to pose for my new security badge photo...so maybe there are happy endings in corporate america...and i'm not just saying that because the ladies dig the company car - even though you know that they totally do.
Posted by young_christopher at 10:46 PM | TrackBack
April 22, 2006
i'm starting with the man in the middle
since i started my new job back in february, i have been spending a great deal of windshield time on the highways and byways taking in all of the rugged beauty that is eastern/middle (middle eastern?) tennessee. and since most of my drives are in excess of two hours i have a lot of time in the car to listen to the radio - which tends to be an infuriating process. primarily because 96.5 the mountain has not updated their playlist since 1998. and i didn't really care for soundgarden the first time around thank you very much.
and it's not that i really like listening to the radio - i have a vast cd collection that is probably superior to your own in every way imaginable, and i always have the best intentions to bring cd's with me every day, but i usually forget in the bleary pre-dawn hours to make the transfer from the sexplorer to the needs a nickname company car.
also, ever since i went out to southern california for training and nick herndon stole some of my favourite albums i've been excessively cautious. i suppose i should take a moment to say that nick has denied taking my cd's but every time we talk on the phone i hear white lion's when the children cry blasting in the background - track 7 on my missing monster ballads: platinum edition. so he's obviously lying.
anyway, back to the radio - i notice alot of commercials for car dealerships and furniture or jewlery merchants make a really big deal out of the fact that they are giving you the b.e.s.t. price possible because they have cut out the middle man. which caused me to wonder, when did middle men become so unpopular and how do the they feel about this? more importantly, do their families have enough to eat? it's bad enough their kids have to go to school every day bearing the shameful burden that their dad doesn't have an actual job. he's no doctor or lawyer - he's just a middle man. and now all these industries are trying to eliminate him from the equation all together. and to what end - to save you a few dollars that tacky charm bracelet you never should have purchased for her in the first place. i'll bet a good middle man could have talked you out of that embarrassment .
aynway, does anyone know how you get to be a middle man? is there a course in college (aside from anything in the field of sociology) that you take? is this a profession for people who flunk out of toll booth school? are these the people that lack any type of drive, moxy, and/or creative thinking? wait a minute, that sounds an awful lot like me. (except for the moxy part. i have that in spades.) and yet while you could argue the point that technically i am a middle child, and that i've been in the middle of at least seventeen (acute) love triangles and i'm very nearly middle aged i'm hardly a middle man. i'm a wild success in my chosen profession. although it would probably be more appropriate to say - in the profession that has chosen me. i should also point out that i have an excellent eye when it comes to picking out jewelry. especially gold jewelry - but that's another story for another time -
because i've just realized i have no idea where i'm going with this. i guess the lesson that can be learned is you should never let nick herndon anywhere near your cd collection. also, it's hardly ever good to be a middle man, a middle child or in the middle of anything...unless we're talking about an ultimate sub with boar's head meat from your local publix deli. you'd be hard pressed to find a better place on earth.
Posted by young_christopher at 10:42 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 10, 2006
Jennifer Beals Should Be Pleased
There’s a disturbing trend emerging, and that is the gradual incorporation of leggings into the fashion world. On Nordstrom’s front page the other day, there was a woman wearing a very pretty white sundress with lace and eyelet embellishment. And unfortunately paired with this dress were black leggings! Inappropriate! Urban Outfitters is even starting up with the stirrups. Why Fashion Industry? Why?
During the 80’s I was just a nerdy and awkward kid. Sure, I wore oversized t-shirts and leggings and my mom did my bangs all fluffy on picture day, but I was in grade school. I wasn’t quite old enough to get into the French cuff, although several of my wealthy and cool friends did it. We could hardly be blamed for poor fashion decisions. Our moms were practically still choosing our clothes. Junior high, well…it was the early 90’s. I don’t think anyone knew what was going on in those days.
Thankfully once I became more aware of being "in style," the going trend in my little bubble was grunginess. We latched on to the fashion of our older siblings, and now when I look back on photos of myself and my friends, we’re pretty much wearing old flared jeans – remember when you could only find them at the thrift store because they hadn’t been made since the 70’s? – and t-shirts. Even though I'm young enough that I never tired to emulate Madonna or Tiffany, I still recall those that did. And I certainly don't care to see it happen again. Or else what good was my narrow escape?
So here’s the thing, Fashion Industry: Just because you call them “Skinny Jeans” doesn’t make them cool and new. They’re tapered jeans! Leave them to the punk kids who wear them in black with their studded belts. And don’t think I haven’t noticed you creeping those waistlines up to the belly button. I am grateful that the super-low jeans are getting phased out; I truly am because I’ve seen enough ass crack and thong to last a lifetime. But what’s next? Tapering, high waists, and pleats? I saw a girl wearing leggings and a mini jean skirt today and I was begrudgingly grateful for them. The leggings actually served a purpose – that of ass covering. Also, it’s a bit chilly today, and I have no doubt that that girl would be cold if not for her submission to the trend.
The brilliant ladies at Go Fug Yourself express their disdain more eloquently than I. However, it’s not so much the trend itself that's so troubling to me, but what it all means. What 80’s horror will the Fashion Industry attempt to unleash upon us next summer? Or even this fall? How far are they willing to go with this? How many fashion-obsessed will they be able to convince that this is all very cool and vintage? You may or may not remember that last summer they tried to make us cut the collars and sleeves off of our sweatshirts (thanks alot Marissa Cooper) and accessorize with neon plastic. No. Thank you.
Posted by heidi at 4:05 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 2, 2006
reasons to quit
i am currently undergoing the painstaking process of purging from my body all things coca-cola related. a decision that was not easily arrived at but an idea whose time had certainly come. and that time came at midnite in knoxville tennessee, on my hands and knees looking under furniture and rifling through the drawers in my hotel room for enough loose change to feed the golden glowing vending machine at the end of the hall for the only thing that would quench my impossible thirst - a 20 oz bottle of coca cola.
while i feel comfortable with this decision i'm in the process of making - i'm a little bit worried that the steely resolve i feel may only have the consistency of aluminum. foil. for you see, i have had coca-cola coursing through my veins since 1985 when the family moved from our apartment in hollywood florida to the house in north miami beach - you know, the one with the banana trees in the front yard that only grew those creepy little midget bananas and the greyhounds that chased each other into oblivion. yeah, that was our house.
it didn't take my brother and i long to notice the 7-11 on the dade/broward county line a mere three blocks from our house. of course these were in the dark days when 7-11 still sold dirty magazines and i think my parents decided to participate in the boycott that was all the rage back in those days. well, that was fine for my parents but my brother and i at the ages of 14 and 12 respectively, felt that the common grace that had given the slurpee to all mankind far outweighed the nefarious dangers of naked people.
fortunately for everyone involved, 7-11 caved to the pressure and removed their questionable printed materials and we were free to revel in the abandon of slurpees, and big gulps, and nachos - and we did so. often. if only our parents had known that these slurpees would prove to be a gateway drug to super big gulps and then eventually the double gulp - and it was so cheap! you could easily suck down the equivalent of two liters of coca cola for a fraction of the cost you would pay at your local green grocers.
of course it wasn't long before it took more than just one to satisfy the craving. and i'm not proud to admit this but there was a time - at the height of my addiction - where i could easily drink two double gulps in a day. it eventually got the point that i drank nothing but coke. i'd go to parties in high school and there would be the token beer and the whatnot, but i wasn't interested in any of that. as long as i had i coke in hand i was ready to party.
i've tried several times over the years to kick the habit. but it's been difficult. because i don't feel like myself when i'm not on the sauce. and it's true, i've had friends offer to buy me coke products because they didn't like the person i'd become without it. not only that, it calms my nerves, it helps me sleep (seriously) and improves my singing voice like nothing else on this earth.
but there i was at midnite in knoxville tennessee, on my hands and knees. i eventually found a dollar in change at the bottom of my shaving bag and got my fix but even as i enjoyed the sweet release i realized the absurdity of it all and came to the conclusion that maybe it was time to quit this thing for good.
Posted by young_christopher at 2:40 PM | TrackBack
April 1, 2006
my happy ending
as i whiled away my saturday afternoon in a darkened movie theater, i came to the following conclusion. what i need in my life - what's been missing all of these years...is natalie portman. and yes, it was convenient that this conclusion came to me during a screening of v for vendetta , but i'm pretty certain that this is something that i've felt subconsciously for a very long time, i've just never said it out loud before.
and let's face it, for a long time it had to be surpressed because, during the early stages of her career when natalie was turning in finely nuanced performances in films such as the professional, heat, and her brilliant turn in beautiful girls - it would not have been appropriate to confess that you may or may not have a not so secret crush on her - even though two of the three aforementioned films centered around the much older male protagonists struggling with that very idea.
so what can obviously be deduced from this brief overview of natalie's film career, is that what she really desires is an older man. which works out quite nicely for the two of us - because i, am several years older than natalie. of course in a couple of instances those older men ended up dying violent deaths (see professional the, vendetta v for) but i think i'm in good shape there because i'm not a professional assassin, nor am i currently involved in any revolutionary activities (i gave up the uprising against all things colplay related because i realized that people prefer to listen to music composed by asshats - it just makes their lattes taste better).
another reason this whole crazy idea just might work is that i am in no way interested in the most recent star wars trilogy or natalie's involvement therein. i would much rather focus on natalie's more artistic choices such as her brief cameo in zoolander or that movie where she had the baby in the wal-mart. although that was a tough one to watch because it also featured ashely judd and honestly, who do you choose?
and of course it has to be natalie - because she's smart and fun and sassy (and umarried) and we could spend our saturdays riding our bicycles down to the shores of gitche-gume (by the shining big sea water) and sip green tea and eat combos and talk about jean paul sartre and the perilous abyss that swallowed whole the career of emilio estevez - and i don't know if this whole thing sounds impossibly ridiculous but it wouldn't be a bad way to live out the rest of my days.
Posted by young_christopher at 6:12 PM | TrackBack