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January 24, 2008
I sit alone and watch one cigarette burn away
Last year during a family visit out in Tacoma, WA my dad got on my case about smoking. He knows I do it, he doesn't like it, but he is aware (now) that it's not a sign of evil rebellion and wild living, just a bad habit I got into. Sometimes I'll have a smoke in the garage where he's puffing on his cigar and sipping his cognac, and those are some pretty nice times. Maybe that's where we were when dad asked me when I was going to quit.
My response has rarely changed for the last few years: "I've already started cutting back." It's not too major of a change for me to "cut back." Though I smoke every day, I've never exceeded half a pack a day on average. Those pesky southern weekend nights used to get me into trouble in college, but in Boston...no chance.
Anyway, this discussion between me and dad led eventually to an agreement. If he could lose 25 lbs and achieve his official doctor-recommended weight, then I would have to call it quits. We were kind of joking, but lately it's been feeling like more of an actual deal. He was sure to inform me this week that he's lost 8 pounds since the purchase of a new treadmill. Now, this only served to increase my smoker panic. I realized as 2008 rolled around that next year will be my 10 year smokers mark. My first cig was a clove. I was 17 and heading back to campus preview weekend from Little 5 Points in Atlanta. Oops. Two years later smoking Camels was an every day activity. It's a slippery slope, my friends.
I want to quit - no. I want to be healthy - but I love smoking. I feel like I've always smoked. People I met in college never knew me before I smoked. Maybe my dad is more manipulative than I ever realized because that little "deal" nonsense has settled its way into my psyche and now there seems no other option but to make the effort. Dad is fulfilling his part of the bargain and therefore I must as well - with or without official documentation of said agreement. Very clever, dad. Pity I just started art school. Everybody smokes. I think I'll start with a little "cutting back."
| By heidi | 2:36 PM
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Comments
Posted by: Nick at January 30, 2008 1:18 PM
Posted by: young_christopher at February 3, 2008 3:40 PM