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November 8, 2007
to wish impossible things
so today was a banner day at 4808. after one year and four months of waiting the city of chattanooga finally delivered a trash receptacle to my front doorstep. which was a nice surprise because i had all but given up on ever receiving one. when i first moved into the house in july of 2006 i asked my neighbor mike what the receptacle reception process was all about and he told me all i needed to do was call 311 on my touch tone phone and a modestly priced receptacle would be delivered to my front doorstep. well apparently 311 really is a joke in my town because i called. and called. and called. with no success. each time an operator would tell me that ordering a trash can would take 4-6 weeks (because they have to be made from scratch apparently) and in the meantime they would schedule me for curbside pickup. meaning i could place trash bags on the street and the garbage men would collect them. this of course never happened.
the city trash cans are designed to be picked up by those trucks with the automated arms and the driver never gets out of that truck. ever. and honestly why would he? the machine (quite literally) does the work. the neighborhood dogs on the other hand were more than happy to pillage through my refuse. most people think they're after soup bones and other such tasty delights but what they were really after was my identity. seriously i saw one of them run off with a credit card statement and now i've got a balance from an online casino that i can't pay. those dogs and their poker.
meanwhile i resorted to various and sundry stealth missions dumping bags of trash into area dumpsters under cover of darkness. there were a couple of close calls at the car wash up at bi-lo and then suddenly there were no more close calls to be had because the owner got wise and locked up his dumpster. and so then i considered stealing a trash can from the neighborhood. most of my neighbors have multiple trash cans anyway and after all i was in need. sadly, i was born with an above average conscience and so i could never go through with it. but i had to do something.
so finally last week i picked up the phone and called 311 and i once again pled for a trash can to be delivered. the woman on the other end told me that there would be a $60 fee...a fee that had never been discussed before so i became curious. or maybe i was incredulous. my curious and incredulous faces are very similar. and trying to tell the difference between the two is like trying tell twins apart. i know this because people often make this comment to me - and also because i always look at myself in the mirror whilst talking on the telephone. which makes conversations in the car quite risky but that - as uncle jack so sagely rejoindered - is my challenge....
anyway - back to the fee in question. according to the computer screen that sophie was consulting a trash container had been delivered to me back in june and i would have to pay the $60 fee for an additional container. i vehemently assured sophie that no such delivery had ever taken place here at 4808...until today.
i really should drop by the city offices and thank sophie for her initiative. not only did i not have to pay $60 for a phantom garbage can she hand delivered a free receptacle to my door in under a week. actually i have no idea who dropped the can off but nonetheless i am forever grateful to sophie. perhaps i'll invite her over for a drink. she had a nice phone voice and lord knows i never leave the house these days anyway. but then she'd probably figure that out when i answered the door in my pajamas....and all the food in my refrigerator is stamped meals on wheels. but hey, i gave up on the trash can too soon. perhaps there is a lesson in there somewhere. that maybe. just maybe i still have some life left in me.
| By young_christopher | 7:18 PM
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