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January 6, 2007
so this is the new year...
hello and happy 2007 one and all - as this new year begins i trust we are all agonizing over denying ourselves and abstaining from life's more trivial vices - such as cigarettes, coffee, and john mayer music using our leftover cash to start up a gym membership because this year we definitely have an action plan for dropping all of that unwanted weight....we have made our resolutions and we are whole heartedly resolved to make it happen.
well some of us made these same petty resolutions that we seem to make every year. but not me. this year i'm aiming for the fences - for i have resolved that this will be the year that i marry. will it be a challenge? yes. yes it certainly will. especially when one considers that i am not currently involved in a dating relationship - nor do i have a viable interest in anyone at the moment. these are the facts that make up a challenge that i must face. but i'm feeling pretty good about my chances. last year i resolved to buy a house. which i did...almost six months ahead of schedule. of course if i put as much time and/or effort into working on my upcoming marriage i'll be divorced within 6-8 weeks. but that is neither here nor there.
the important thing to focus on here is that a: i accomplished my goal and b: i own a home large enough to rear a hearty family. so there's that. oh, and if anyone out there knows anyone who is willing to get married on fairly short notice i would be more than happy to send out a glossy 3x5 of myself with a handly list of likes - dislikes and expectations. i've been toying with the idea of having all of this information printed on a festive refrigerator magnet, but i fear that may be a bit cost prohibitive - i know this makes me sound cheap but if i splurge on refrigerator magnets i may not be able to fulfill my lifelong dream of getting married in fiji....and i don't mind saying that some dreams are non-negotiable. i've waited a long time for this moment to come and i don't mind being difficult in an effort to make all things perfect...
also since we're talking about financial matters and debating just how cheap i might be i should also put this out there: i'm planning a trip to japan in the spring. it's sort of a missionary trip so feel free to sign your tithe moneys over to me and support me in this journey. in return i promise a thoughtful postcard whilst i am overseas and a hand drawn map plotting the course of my ministry that you can put in the back of your bible with all the rest of the maps. if the map doesn't pique your interest i could come to your home bible study and do a dramatic reading of that footprints poem you see hanging all over creation. that might sound lame but you haven't heard the whole story because not only do i quote the poem in a dramatic impassioned voice that would make c.a.r.m.a.n. swoon - i do so barefoot. and if there is a willing volunteer i can even recite the poem whilst someone carries me around which adds dramatic effect for those who might be visual learners....
and if i could speak for a moment to any visual learners out there who also happen to be single and female - it might do you well to learn of me. because i've been known to be unecessarily attractive. sort of like brad pitt's unecessary jamaican accent in meet joe black. my physical appeal is sort of like that only not nearly as offensive. okay maybe that was a bad example....and i don't think i'm spelling the word necessary correctly. regardless, i'm confident that there is a woman out there who can make my wildest dreams come true. i was one hell of a catch in my twenties...or so i was told. often. and now? now i'm like chocolate candy on february 15th. still oh so sweet and tempting at bargain prices. but be forewarned. because i am now officially on clearance, the store has a unflinchingly rigid no return policy.
oh and hoppy, if you're out there anywhere i just wanted to say thank you for fighting so hard to keep your little establishment open. everybody loves a quitter.
| By young_christopher | 10:20 PM
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Comments
Posted by: No Man Is an Island at January 7, 2007 7:17 PM
Posted by: Micah at January 8, 2007 9:40 PM
Posted by: No Man Is an Island at January 9, 2007 7:55 PM