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August 5, 2006
god loves a drunk
so i've just returned from the local watering hole hoppys last resort which sadly has become my hangout of late because a: it's 7 blocks from my house and b: their burgers are phenomenal - which is probably why every time you see me in public you wonder privately to yourself if i haven't been packing on a few pounds.
and the answer to that question is yes, yes i have. sadly, i think i am reaching my own last resort with hoppys because for some reason the drunkest drunkards in the bar somewhow find their way to the bar stool immediately adjacent to me and they proceed to slur some nonsense about how they play the bass guitar and hail from the greater (come on feel the) illinois area - and after the first couple of beers imbibed (after already being trashed) they knew various members of rock supergroup cheap trick - but after the 4th round not only did they know members of cheap trick at one time they had in fact been asked to join the band but decided not to for personal reasons.
tonite as i was enjoying my black and bleu burger with a tall frosty killians i was accosted by a guy named barry or burt or some such and he just would not shut up - and this guy was wasted in ways you can't even imagine but he was tossing back bud lites which confused me - because seriously how does bud lite get anybody that blitzed. then dude starts asking me if i get high and i respond in the negative and he proceeds to tell me not to listen to a word he's saying because he's been dabbling in the ecstasy and has no idea what he's talking about. and he has just a moustache and he's a spitter and then he starts saying very inappropriate things about various women at the bar and i just...i just couldn't take it any more so i paid my tab and left.
and honestly, i don't know if i can ever return. it's bad enough being accosted by the bartendresses but this burt/barry business it's all too much. i was terrified that he was going to ask me for a ride when i left - but i downed my killians in a jiff and he still had a good third of his bud lite left and he was threatening to get himself thrown out of the bar because he just had to say something to this one girl in particular. and the whole time i'm thinking - well most of the time i was thinking how satisfying it would be to just nudge the guy off of his stool and then i was thinking about the homeless card swiper thing...but then i thought maybe i needed to find a new favourite place to eat so i wouldn't have to deal with all of these shenanigans...you aren't faced with this kind of nonsense at arbys - sure you might spill some horsey sauce on your favourite pants but that's nothing compared to having a piece of your soul sucked away by a guy like burt/barry. i'm just saying
| By young_christopher | 11:37 PM