Atlas Hugged« There's Hallelujah All Over the Place | Main | god loves a drunk »
August 5, 2006
the cash machine is blue and green
so today i was filling up the sexplorer with petrol for the final drive to nashville when i was accosted by a homeless man who said the following to me: "you look like the kind of man who might be going somewhere this summer where you will need these" - the these he was referring to were a small pair of binoculars in a handy leather carrying case. i told him i had no such plans for the summer so i wouldn't be able to help him out. he then asked if i had any loose change to offer - and in truth i did not.
in all honesty, i don't mind homeless people, nor does it bother me that they consistently hit you up for cash for a warm meal or a tall bottle of whate'er it is that cures their ills. actually i should say it doesn't usually bother me because that bible toting woman outside the slow bar that hit me up for $20 that time...ridiculous! anway, i'm getting off track here. i hate to be one of those people, but i'm really wondering when the homeless are going to take that step into the modern era and start carrying around card swipers. because seriously, i almost never have cash on me. i'm a chronic swiper. and it seems to me that if a needy soul came up to me and asked if i could debit them a buck or two i wouldn't be the type of person to object.
of course you're thinking this idea of mine is absurd, because how is a card swipe going to help out a homeless person who is in desperate need of cold hard cash. well, here's the solution - during the daylite hours these folks can walk into any financial establishment and cash in all of the dollars that have been debited to them on the previous day. of course one wonders aloud if a homeless person were enterprising enough to employ my idea perhaps they would also have the capability of finding gainful employment and wouldn't need to live hand(out) to mouth. but maybe they don't want to work, and i can totally understand that.
i mean it's a pretty rare ocurrence in the life of not so young christopher when i wake up in the morning itching to get down to the office which for me is just down one flight of stairs - but i'm here to tell you on a cold morning - that commute can be a nightmare!
where was i? oh yeah, i can foresee other potential problems that might prevent my idea from being successfully implemented. first everyone who's ever used an atm banking machine knows that those service charges can often be prohibitive - and really, how willing would you be to debit a few bucks to a homeless person if you knew there was going to be a $2.50 service fee tacked on. it just wouldn't make reasonable sense, because now your charitable act is getting expensive and you're short two full cups in your monthly dennys coffee budget.
and then what about the cash back option? that can be one of the most convenient aspects of using the debit card at your favourite retailer (target/marshalls for me) but if your debiting $3 to your homeless pal and then you ask for $20 cash back (because why not - you're taking the hit on that service charge so it make sense to grab some spare cash so you don't have to hit up another machine later on in the week) he's probably not going to be your pal anymore and you might find yourself getting robbed and/or kicked in the nuts.
and finally, there's the whole personal space problem to deal with, because in my early drawings the device would be worn around the homeless person's neck, so the actual act of swiping - well, it could seem a little bit intimate and you might be in danger of getting hugged without warning. also - from such close range a crafty/unscrupulous type might take note of your p.i.n. (mine's creamy by the by - and i don't mind telling the whole world) and use it for ill.
all this to say, i know this idea of mine has some obstacles to overcome - but i just wanted to point out that it was my idea. so when some superstar entrepeneur type rolls the homele$$ 3000 off the assembly line you'll know that said person stole the idea from me and maybe you can testify to this effect in a court of law. thanks for listening. and i miss you shy eyes.
| By young_christopher | 8:21 PM