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February 18, 2006
airline to heaven
an open letter to people who travel southwest airlines:
the good people at southwest have given each of us the opportunity to sit wherever we like on their flights in and around the continental u.s. this in addition to their competitively priced fares make southwest an appealing choice whenever one chooses to travel. you can now afford to bring the children, the dog, the cat - what the hell? it's cheap.
the concept is simple enough. go online 24 hours before your flight and you can print off your boarding pass and based on your order in the process you are placed in either group a, b, or c. and much like the alphabetical progression suggests, passengers board according to their group number. this implies freedom to not only move about the country but also the freedom to sit in a particular section of the plane if you so desire. but here is the part of the process that troubles me so much.
people will begin forming lines by groups an hour before the scheduled departure time. as i sat in chicago's midway airport yesterday i watched as folks began lining up at 3:30 (our flight was at 5:20). i sat there amazed and furious. why do people do this? it creates congestion everywhere - a mass of luggage and bodies; pizza boxes and whatnot. it makes no sense to me at all. the plane didn't board until 5:30 which means those poor bastards stood in line for 2 hours.
why do people do this? especially people in group a? if you are in group a on a southwest flight and you get in line for a seat two hours early you're just an asshole. i'm sorry but you really are. i mean seriously, you are in the first group. they aren't going to run out of seats. even if you are travelling with other of people and you get on the plane at the very end of group a there will still be open rows so that you and your pals can sit together - after you have selfishly packed everything you possibly can into the overhead bins forcing the poor saps in group c to have to check their carry ons of course.
the same concept applies (to a slightly lesser extent) to folks in group b. for example, i was the last person in group b to get on the airplane last night. the flight was completely full and there were still three rows completely wide open. granted, those rows were in the back of the plane but so what? there's really nothing to see in the front. it's not a rock concert. and even if it were the very front row is rarely the b.e.s.t. place to be.
also, if you are the last person in the group to board you have a choice who you sit next to. this way you aren't sitting there in a panic hoping the creepy guy in group c won't see the empty seat next to you. and you can choose whether or not you want to leave that middle seat open knowing full well that a larger person will want to sit there which results in the sort of physical contact you wouldn't even feel comfortable with on a third date.
for this reason i think group c might be the best group after all, you get to be the jerk watching the look of dread on people's faces as you approach their row. you know, that please do not sit here look. to which you simply shrug your shoulders and squeeze your way in. fifteen minutes after take off you insist that you have to go to the bathroom and as soon as you make your way into the aisle confess that you don't have to go anymore. that's what i would do anyway. i would also spend the entire flight in the crash position
you know, just in case.
i suppose i shouldn't let this bother me so much. after all, the philosophy here is that people have the freedom to do as they please. but i don't want to have to see it happening right in front of me. all the pushing and shoving and the rowdy children with their miserable parents. it really is so much nicer if everyone sits quietly and waits. every time i watch the dreaded lines begin to form i secretly wish for a gate change so i can laugh in the faces all those people who just had to be at the front of the line. that would be awesome.
| By young_christopher | 1:43 PM