Atlas HuggedMain | Parliament is Now in Session »
May 24, 2005
it's friday i'm in love
call me hopelessly cynical, but when
tom & katie announce their lovefest just in time for the press tours
for their respective summer films - there is a part of me
that rolls my eyes. because there's no way in this world that tom
& katie are actually an item - maverick & joey? really? maybe in
some alternate universe where dr. pheel is a changer of lives and
shaun william scott is considered to be a fine comic actor this might
be possible - but i'm here to tell you kids, this is not the world
that i live in. in my world i live in fear that joey will ruin the
next batman film with that smooshed up face of hers - and
there's no way she knows the words to santa fe
of course my rambling discontent could be directly attributed to the
death of my most recent crush - not literally of course - i should
probably clarify that for those of you that are rushing to dial 911
(which by the way, is a joke in your town) even though i fear it may
be too late as my surveillance cameras are informing me that my
trailer is now surrounded by the fuzz. which, by the way also
happens to be the name of the dance club where i met my first
wife casiopia & you might thing that it was her peternatural
toplessness that caused our love to go awry, but in the end it was her
poor spelling and diction, i mean seriously, casiopia? - anyway, have
you ever had a mad crush on someone for no apparent reason and then
all of the sudden it just vanishes? that sucks. i'm here to tell you.
i officially killed my crush on friday - and that's a shame because i
really think i did love her - which happend to be casual friday, but
that is neither here nor there since our office does not have
casual friday...anyway, i had arrived at the office earlier
than usual on friday and had headed up to the dreaded fourth floor
when i suddenly realized that i had left my chequebook in the
sexplorer and this would simply not do because i had to write
out a check for the chicken tenders that i have been dreaming
about ever since the girl scout cookies went the way of the dodo -
anyway, as i stepped out into the parking garage i saw her
drive by - in fact i was contemplating jumping in front of her
speeding vehicle thinking this might be a great way for the two of us
to finally meet because they say that dramatic meetings are always
more memorable - and also, if i were laying there moaning plantively
or something there would no doubt be some sort of physical contact of
some kind that would ensue which is never a bad thing and maybe if she
held my hand as i lay there internally bleeding we could have some of
the forbidden hand sex that you hear adults talk about after
all of the love has gone completely out of their lives - sadly, i
thought of this after she had already past me by so after making a
mental note of it i headed over to the sexplorer to retrieve
my chequebook - long story short, we ended up standing side by side on
a crowded elevator and i totally could have touched her or given her a
wet willie - which in my experience has always been a better than
average way to break the ice. and also - it's hard to mack on someone
when they are standing directly beside you, because all you can really
do is cast a sidelong glance which is what i did - which is what ended
up killing the crush because i suddenly realized that - at
least in my peripheral vision, she reminded me of someone back in
college that i really didn't care for very much - and also, her casual
day outfit? not so great - which was disappointing to say the least
because she showed so much promise - and really, how can you love
someone with your whole heart when you know full well that if you
happen to catch a glimpse of them out of the corner of your eye it's
all over....i'm often told that i am too demanding, but for the life
of me i just can't see it.
| By young_christopher | 3:19 PM