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June 6, 2005
Nodding Yes While Saying No
If New York is the city that never sleeps, then Atlanta is the city that never sleeps well. Which goes a long way to explain why some people in this metropolis appear so groggy behind the wheel. I fully support speed limits, and will even nod yes while saying no when you ask me if going five, six or seven miles over the posted limit is morally and ethically okay. It's the people who drive below the speed limit that bother me most, and even they wouldn't bother me that much if they drove that way in the right lane (or even better, in the emergency lane). I've asked them (with a gentle tap on my horn, or the quick flash of my high "gimme a damn break" beams) to do just that, but in a show of childlike defiance they consistently fold their arms and settle into the left lane (some driver's education instructors might have the audacity to call this the "passing lane"), cautiously approaching their top speed of fifty-five. If only these people got a better nights sleep...
The same could (and now will be) said for the guy I passed a few weeks ago during the morning commute who was both driving and shaving. In this case I would have preferred that he had been driving more slowly...instead he had his big mug pressed into the rearview mirror, electric razor cutting across it, all the while changing lanes. Where are the local police when you need them? Oh that's right...Krispy Kreme.
One day, when no one drives cars and we all have jetpacks, this will be a non-issue (I know some of you had your fingers crossed that I would use the word
"moot," but I think that card has already been played below). I'll be the first to get the jetpack, while the rest of you are worried about something called safety issues. Sure...you might have gotten the first i-Pod, or the first digital camera, or the latest and greatest cellular phone, or that god-forsaken salad shooter...but who's got the jet pack? Ha ha! The joke is now officially on you.
Happy Birthday Bjorn Borg...you're forty-nine
All the old paintings on the tombs / they do the sand dance don't you know / if they move too quick (oh whey oh) / they're falling down like a domino
| By micah | 4:20 AM