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June 9, 2005
Sudden Stoppers
denying us that buffer zone they call "spring" to ease us from the
bitter, bitter cold into the ridiculous heat. I recently purchased an
air conditioner for the apartment, but damn that whole
assemblage thing to actually fit it in the window? Sucks. But it's all
right, all in good time. It'll be worth it.
The worst thing about this
time of year is not the heat. Oh, no. No, it's the people. The damn
tourists. Somehow they make everything hotter and dumber, and all of
Downtown Crossing smells like stale cigarettes. They meander around
like you do when you spin in circles and then try to go in a straight
line. I mean, why is that? Does being out of your hometown and in
unfamiliar territory turn you retarded? Seriously, what happens to
people? So, you're on this crowded sidewalk during the lunch hours,
and there are obvious business people walking at a good clip all
around you, and you just stop dead in your tracks? This is a
familiar rant, but one that all tourists should hear. If you're
visiting a large city, for crying out loud, get the hell out of the
way. Today was my first sudden stopper experience of this summer.
WHAM! Right into some sweaty asshole's back. Yeah, it was as
gross as it sounds. I implore you tourists, especially those of you
coming from out in the sticks where you're unfamliar with basic rules
like "don't talk to strangers": move quickly or stay to one side.
We're not rude. You're just too slow.