Atlas Hugged« Sudden Stoppers | Main | Nothing Against Polos »
June 11, 2005
Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn
I stay in a hotel every week, and I've done so for the last five months. We all have our crosses to bear in the business world and this apparently is mine. We can probably all agree that, for a short period of time, staying in a hotel is nice. For starters, you have someone to clean your room - which, unless you're two years old, or an irresponsible forty-two year old who still lives at home, is a bit luxurious. Hotels also have something called a continental breakfast, something that does not exist (at least not for me) on the outside. These breakfasts consist of breads and pastries, assorted juices and yogurts, eggs and sausage, and various cereals. Believe it or not, the hotel staff serves breakfast for several hours, so in reality, if I wanted to, I could eat bear claws and bagels from six in the morning until 10:30am. Who wouldn't want to live like this? This
is the life of kings...
After five months in the hotel it's beginning to get old. Sure, they still clean up my room, and breakfast is still being served, but the new has worn off (just like when you got your first po-go stick and thought you could jump around your driveway until next Christmas). I now find myself thinking of ways to avoid going back to the hotel, even if it means killing time in the nearby Waffle House. It's out of this hotel malaise that the following list has been conceived:
Top 10 Things To Do When You Get Bored In A Hotel
10) Rummage through the couch cushions for loose change.
9) Call the front desk to arrange a series of wake up calls for yourself...with 45
second intervals.
8) Go door to door introducing yourself to your new "hallmates."
7) Put up signs advertising a keg party in someone else's room - show up on time with a plastic cup.
6) Walk towards the pool and exclaim "Sharks 'n Minnows in five minutes!"
5) Sit down with a table of strangers at breakfast but don't say anything.
4) Poll the hotel staff to find out what their favorite "Adult Feature" is.
3) Create parking tickets using the hotel provided pad of paper in your room. Distribute them late at night.
2) Order a pizza for the room next to you. When they refuse to pay, offer the pizza guy five bucks for it.
1) Knock on other people's doors. When they open it appear incredulous. Shout "get out of my room you pervert!"
Relax said the nightman / we are programmed to receive / you can check out anytime you like / but you can never leave
| By micah | 5:02 PM