Atlas Hugged« that sexy guitar - they play it on the high strings | Main | I Do What I Likes & I Likes What I Do »
June 28, 2005
cape codpiece
do you ever wonder why more workplaces
don't have a formal friday every once in awhile? because as nice as it
is to see co-workers dressed up like the slobs that they probably are
outside of the office - i think it would be a nice change of
pace to put on a tophat and tales and sip martinis and chew on fine
cheeseballs as you sit in your cube waiting for precious death to save
you from your self-imposed doom - this thought ocurred to me whilst i
was on vacation last week in the tiny hamlet of sandwich,
ma - home of michael sweet, erstwhile lead singer of christian
rock super group stryper -
after the legal fallout from the break-up of our cult there had been a
bit of awkwardness betwixt us and i thought a quick trip to the
holy coast (as mike refers to it) might be a good chance to
kick back, relax, and allow mike and i the opportunity to iron out our
differences...well, i don't know if any our differences were ironed
out but we did iron out the wrinkles in our black and yellow spandex
and jam for the lamb at the local y.m.c.a. - the crowd was
small - not because we didn't totally rock it because you know we did
- unfortunately our outfits had been in storage for such a
long, long time we reeked of mothballs - our capes refused to
roil or furl and the cod-pieces? well they reeked of warmed
over cod.
and it was there on the holy coast as i stood in the glassy
sea praying for a shark attack or a tidal wave, or even a really
severe case of s.c.u.r.v.y. so that i wouldn't have to return
to the dreaded office...when suddenly as if by magic i
began to formulate a plan in my mind for the implementation of
formal friday which at the time seemed like such a brilliant
idea i couldn't wait to get back to the office - in fact i threw away
the cyanide capsules that i'd packed just in case the reunion didn't
go so well and headed home several days ahead of schedule...only to
find out that formal friday had been tried before - only it
wasn't called formal friday - it was called on golden prom
- and it was called on golden prom because the senior
partners would ask the junior partners to a raging cocktail party that
took place on the promenade - and even though it was pitched
as this gloriously classy event - many woke up days later with that
icky horrified feeling that they may have made out with their
b.o.s.s. - which wouldn't be such a bad thing if your
b.o.s.s. didn't have a penchant for intitiating a little flex
time with various & sundry t.e.m.ps. - which for those of
you not in the corporate know is akin to leprosy or some
other impossibly disgusting malady....
anyway, it was at one of these proms that a senior partner in
an instance of ill-advised, overly inebriated pillow talk let slip
that maybe - just maybe the company was thinking of exploring
outsourcing options - of course over the next several days rumours
spread around the office like wildfire (if by wildfire you mean
the cyph) and lines were drawn and factions formed - and then
there was a minor civil war between those that preferred the electric
stapler to the standard manual stapler - the standard staplers
eventually won out - not because the electric staplers weren't more
powerful, or efficient, or even lethal - because you know they totally
were...but unfortunately fourteen days into the campaign, the power
went out for an hour and a half leaving the electric stapler soldiers to flail
away impotently with rubber bands and paper clips -
at any rate - after the dust settled and the wounded were tended to
with peroxide and cotton swabs the company made the official
announcement that the great outsourcing myth had been just
that - no one would be losing their jobs...which was true, but then
two weeks letter word came down that the company had decided it might
be a good idea to outsource our lunch breaks - because hey, it would
cost them a lot less money to pay some poor soul in a third world
country for that hour - plus they'd get a nice tax break and that
heart warming good samaritan feeling you can only get from
buying lunch for the impoverished or watching extreme makeover
- the rest of us were forced to sit at our desks for that hour
(which we were no longer paid for) sharpening our resolve and our
staple removers as we sustained ourselves on the briscuit and beef
jerkey that were sold in the break room vending machines - and then
one day they to were packed up in shipping crates and outsourced to
the less fortunate....and that my friends is why formal
friday will never be celebrated in our office especially
if there is any alcohol involved - because the results are not always
so sexy.
| By young_christopher | 3:41 PM